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All my love


I still remember how hurt I was before. The way I handle it. The way I cried a lot. I memorized all those songs that makes my heart feel like it has been stabbed by a knife.

I remember the way you treated me that time. You gave me harshful words. You dont care me crying. You didnt look for me. You throw me away. When i look for you, you ignore me.

You make me look weak. You make me cry easier. I look stupid crying infront of everyone. I lack confidence to talk. Less with smile and laugh. Less eating, lost appetite. Lost myself. Every morning i was thinking about you. I was checking my phone waited for you call.

Theres nothing I can do except for didnt stop praying, asking the strength from God and ease all my matters.

But here I am now. Few months pass. I try to stand by myself with the help of God. I stopped thinking about you every single time. I only think once or twice a day. My love for you never change, but my attitude changes. I grew up, more matured. Theres no me with a lot of talk. Theres no me that tell you how I felt. Im quiet than before. Even if it hurts, I keep it in my heart and mind.

I stopped myself for chasing you. At first, I cant. But after I saw you with someone else, then it feel blank and all was black. That was the last time I cry so hard. That was the last time I talk to you.

Its hard. Its so damn hard. But, im starting to live without you. You are still in my heart but it doesnt mean I want you back. Theres nothing between us. You are happy with your new life. Its time for me to start my new journey. I would like to chase my dream first.

I'll never love again. I'll never love someone else the way I love you. Even thought you hurt me and I can still feel that feeling, and I miss you so much but, there is nothing between us anymore. I have to let you go. You will always be in my heart. I pray that you will be happy. Let our memories become something that I can cheerish in my whole life. Im so sorry with all my wrong doings and thank you for make my heart flutter, for treat me well.

All my love is for you.

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Harini hari ke 24 puasa. Lagi berapa hari je nk raya. Seperti biasa, tiap2 tahun sekolah ada majlis berbuka puasa. Mula2 aku rasa semak la sbb dak form4 kan. Kebiasaannya yg ramai dtg pun dak form3 ngan form5. Ada solat hajat la apa utk pt3 dgn spm. Tp setelah terdengar kata2 ustaz smlm, aku jadi tersedar dari mimpi ceh.

Ustaz ckap, siapa yg hadir. Mmg muka aku la org pertama angkat tangan dngn bangga nya. Dalam 20 org tu yg angkat 7 orang je. Bila ustaz senyum muka kecewa, aku pun rasa nak nangis sebelah dia. Ni dia belum kasi tazkirah lagi aku dah sedih. Dia cakap

Kenapa ramai tak dtg? Sbb awak fikir awak form4? Nnt kita mcm biasa akan adakan solat hajat. Solat sunat terawih. Doa bulan puasa ni insyaAllah makbul. Kita sebagai pelajar skolah ni, walaupun tak amik exam besar, sepatutnya kita dtg sama2 mendoakan untuk akak2 dan adik2 kita. Nnt time awak form5, semua org dah tak endahkan awak. Takda siapa dtg nk doakan awak.
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